STUFF N' THINGS

fuckingrecipes:

DIDN’T GET YOUR PARTNER A VALENTINE? 

UNDERSTANDABLE, BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY BEING A SEXY BASTARD AND SAVING THE WORLD OR SOME SHIT. 

NOW RINSE THE BLOOD OFF YOUR HANDS AND GRAB SOME SHIT FROM THE STORE, BECAUSE EVERY ASSHOLE DESERVES SOME ROMANTIC CRAP ONCE IN A WHILE. 

AFTER YOU RESTOCK YOUR SILVER BULLETS, SALT AND STITCH TOGETHER YOUR OWN WOUNDS LIKE A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER, BUY SOME RASPBERRIES AND THREE TYPES OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS. 

WHY THREE?

VARIETY, ASSHOLE! IT MAKES YOU LOOK CLASSY, LIKE YOU ACTUALLY TRIED, INSTEAD OF WHIPPING TOGETHER SOME BULLSHIT AT THE LAST MINUTE LIKE A FORGETFUL BITCH. 

SO GET YOUR MILK CHOCOLATE, WHITE CHOCOLATE AND DARK CHOCOLATE CHIPS. TRAVEL INTO THE WILDS AND COLLECT ONLY THE PUREST AND MOST SUCCULENT RASPBERRIES FOR THE PERSON OF YOUR AFFECTIONS. 

OR MAYBE YOU’RE MAKING THIS TREAT FOR YOURSELF, I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. SHUT THE HELL UP. 

NOW DELICATELY PICK UP A RASPBERRY, ‘CAUSE THOSE ASSHOLES ARE EASY TO DAMAGE. REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU PUT TOGETHER AN ARC REACTOR IN A CAVE AND BE A GENTLE BASTARD AS YOU PUSH THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS INSIDE EACH RASPBERRY. 

NOW PUT THE BOWL OF PERFECTION AND SHIT INTO THE FRIDGE OR FREEZER, DEPENDING ON HOW HARDCORE YOU ARE.

DON’T FORGET TO PRESENT THESE DELICIOUS LITTLE BASTARDS IN YOUR HAND-MADE SILVER CHALICE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A CLASSY ASSHOLE LIKE THAT. 

(via dogesexual)

gaywrites:

Happy Father’s Day! 

(via pro-cras)

(Source: tokomon, via pro-cras)

ifeelbetterer:

(a) so, yeah, on the one hand—does JARVIS feel free to just jump on into any conversation Tony ever has when Tony is wrong? Like, is Tony sometimes out on the street arguing with a hot dog vendor about what actually constitutes “one with everything” and then both of their cell phones ring and it’s JARVIS and he’s collated the average condiments denoted by the phrase “with everything” and Tony was wrong?

OR

(b) does JARVIS have some sort of internal mechanism for deciding who’s cool to talk in front of? It can’t be just anyone, people would flip their shit if they knew quite the extent to which JARVIS is an independent entity. So is there an algorithm somewhere where JARVIS  calculates Tony’s wrongness versus cost/benefit analysis and comes up with SIR I CAN TELL YOU WHAT YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST PICK ME SIR?

OR

(c) since Pepper is obviously in mid-harangue during this scene—thus, there is a mighty verbal battle underway—has JARVIS become so flustered by all the emotions and shouting that, like a frightened puppy, he’s forgotten his rules of decorum? Is this the AI version of OH GOD WHAT DO I DO THE SHOUTING WAFFLES THE ANSWER IS WAFFLES?

(Source: r-downeyy, via ladymalchav)

(via what-is-even-a-good-url)

(Source: ekizinrealm, via punkmonksteven)

(Source: atsecondsight, via littleredpianostory)

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

(Source: secretsbest, via dadajensen)

(via lulz-time)

(Source: daddydawgs, via profoak)

amioliviabensonyet:

I’m the worst antagonist in a horror movie

(via pro-cras)